Teaching Responsibility: Age-Based Expectations
As children grow through various stages of development, they gain the ability to become responsible for a larger variety of tasks. Even young toddlers can be taught to put toys away in a bucket. The skill of gaining responsibility will not happen, however, without active interactions by the adults in their lives – namely YOU, the parent. While chores such as yard work or dusting can be temporarily fun and a seen as a great way to spend time with a parent, a child will rarely choose to do a chore without prompting or expectation. Therefore, it is important to set expectations for your child in regards to chores and responsibilities for home and school. Without these expectations in place, your child will not learn responsibility at all, which is a vital part of development into mature adulthood.
Be realistic
Obviously, a toddler cannot have the same responsibilities as a teenager. Additionally, it is not reasonable to expect your child to remember to complete every task without some reminders from you. While it is absolutely important to assign your child responsibilities, it is also important to make sure these tasks are reflective of the developmental stage of the child.
Toddlers
- Putting away toys
- Placing dirty clothes in hamper
- Throwing away diapers
- Wiping up small spills
Preschoolers
- Making beds
- Bringing dishes to the sink
- Watering flowers and pulling weeds
- Putting away clean forks/spoons
- Dusting
- Sorting laundry into colors
School-Aged Children
- Cleaning bedrooms
- Sweeping and mopping floors
- Putting away groceries
- Helping with dishes
- Vacuuming
- Folding laundry
- Dusting
Adolescents
- Cleaning bedroom of clutter
- Laundry and folding clothes
- Washing and drying dishes
- Caring for family pets – feeding, walking, cleaning litter boxes and cages
- Sweeping and mopping floors
- Cleaning bathrooms – sinks, toilets, bathtubs
- Helping to prepare dinner
- Yardwork
Be firm
If your child is given a responsibility, hold him or her to it. Explain that every member of the family has different jobs they are responsible for in order for life to run smoothly. It is okay to have consequences if chores are not completed, though these will likely look very different depending on the age of the child.
Your family may choose to use allowance or increased privileges in exchange for chores. This will vary by individual families, and will not be discussed at length here, but I would like to point out that positive reinforcement – be that through earning money, screen time, increased free time, etc – can be a very powerful motivator for children and teens. Simply the satisfaction of having a clean house or a “job well done” is not enough in these age groups.
Be encouraging
It is unlikely that your child will do assigned chores perfectly. It is also unlikely that they will consistently have a positive attitude about doing chores. However, it is very likely that hearing constant criticism about the effort they give will cause negative behavior and lack of motivation to worsen. Encourage and praise your child for the effort they give, even if the end result isn’t quite what you wanted it to be. It’s ok to “fix” things later or complete the task to your own specifications, but please wait until your child is not around before you do.
When discussing chores to be done, be specific about the task. Many times jobs are not completed or are done incorrectly because the child simply does not understand. It may be helpful to have chore charts or lists available for him or her to actually see what is expected each day or week.
Be an example
There is an old adage in Pediatrics when discussing discipline – “catch your child being good.” This means praising good behavior is just as (if not more) important than correcting bad behavior. I believe the same adage applies to responsibility, but in the reverse. Make sure your child sees YOU doing chores and fulfilling responsibilities around the house. If children “catch you being good” it helps them to understand that it is, in fact, every member of the family’s responsibility to help out.
Final thoughts
No one wants to raise a child to be an adult who cannot be responsible. While it is true that watching a toddler put away toys or a teenager clean a bedroom can be a frustrating process, and one you may just want to do yourself for sake of time…but this is actually destructive to the process of developing responsibility. Instead, assign your child tasks based on age as discussed above. Don’t expect perfection but hold your child accountable for completing these tasks. And then enjoy the dependable, responsible young adults they will become.
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