Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling
The addition of a new baby to the family is a big change for everyone. It can make a big impact on older siblings as they become accustomed to sharing time, attention, and space with the new baby. It is important to foster healthy sibling bonds, while still giving each child the attention he or she independently needs. It is also important to prepare older children for the arrival of a new sibling. There are certain considerations to keep in mind, which we will discuss today.
Age matters
The age of your older child will largely determine his or her response to a new sibling.
Toddlers will not really understand what it means when you tell them a new baby is coming. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t prepare them at all – find ways to talk about the new baby. Look at pictures of babies in books. Talk about being a big brother or big sister. Share your excitement. Your toddler may not understand why you are excited, but that excitement can transfer over to your child.
Preschoolers tend to have a difficult time adjusting to a new baby. This age group is still very attached to mom and dad, and used to being “the baby” of the family and having significant – if not undivided – attention. Preschoolers are often threatened by the addition of a new family member. It is best to be honest about a new baby coming, and involve your preschooler in the process as much as possible.
School-Aged children usually handle new siblings better than toddlers, but they still may struggle with jealousy in regards to the amount of time parents need to spend with a new baby. Talk to your child honestly about what it means to have a new baby in the house. Have your school-aged child help you plan for the baby – picking out clothes and furniture, organizing diapers, etc.
Set aside time
Your older child will need reassurance that he or she still matters to you. Newborns take up an immense amount of parenting time, and it is often easy to allow older children to be more independent and “on their own.” However, it is important to set aside time for your older child(ren). Ensure they have one-on-one time with each parent during each day. Encourage visiting family and friends to include time with older siblings as well, and not to focus solely on the new addition to the family.
Include them as much as possible
In an age-appropriate manner, involve older siblings in the preparation for a new baby. Ask them to help you with preparing a nursery, picking out a theme, organizing clothing and baby supplies. Once your newborn is home, ask for help with feeding time as well as playing and interacting with the new baby.
Don’t force interactions
Toddler and preschool aged siblings may want nothing to do with the new baby at first. Don’t force them to hold, or kiss, or otherwise interact with the baby if they do not want to. This will only breed resentment towards the new sibling. Instead, offer opportunities for interaction – “Do you want to hold the bottle?” – but if the answer is no, then move on and try something different at another time. Eventually there will be spontaneous and intentional interactions between the siblings.
Always supervise interactions between newborns and preschool or toddler aged siblings. Watch for aggressive or physical behaviors, whether accidental because of lack of knowledge on how to “be gentle,” or on purpose due to acting out or resentment. Address these quickly and firmly. Never leave your newborn alone with children under age twelve.
Expect regression
It is common for toddler and preschool aged children to have some developmental regression after a new baby joins the family. You may see more toileting accidents when your child has been dry for several months. You may experience sleep disturbances, such as difficulty getting your child to fall asleep on time, or refusal to stay in bed during the night. You may see acting out, temper tantrums, and emotional meltdowns. These are normal reactions to stress and should not be punished. Focus on giving your child love, attention, and reassurance during these times.
Final thoughts
Expanding your family through the addition of a new baby is both exciting and challenging. Preparing older siblings and yourselves as parents as much as possible can help to make the transition smoother and easier. You still need to be prepared for bumps along the way. Be patient, understanding, and try new approaches if the first ones do not work. Oh – and get as much sleep as you can!
