Preparing Teens to Leave Home
I was texting with a few of my “mom friends” the other day. Our daughters are all close friends, and thankfully the three of us have become close as well. We were discussing enrolling the girls in a Driver’s Education class soon, as they are quickly entering that time of life. After briefly discussing the logistics of actually getting them into a class, and how terrifying it is to think about having a teenager on the road, our discussion quickly turned emotional. Driving = growing up, and growing up means that our once-little girls will be leaving the nest before we know it.
“I’m not ready” was the consensus.
Unfortunately, whether or not we are ready, our teenagers will soon be entering adulthood and we will face the same transitional period that all parents do at this point. This transition means different paths depending on the individual teen – going to college, enrolling in trade school, or directly entering the workforce. It is a time of drastically increased independence, which can be as frightening for parents as it is exhilarating for teenagers.
There are ways parents can help foster this independence and help ensure their teens enter into adulthood as well-prepared as possible. Doing less and allowing teens to be responsible for more is a great way to accomplish this goal. Allowing consequences to happen naturally benefits teens more than intervening to prevent them – ie, forgetting to study for a test will mean a lower grade, but it does not mean you the parent should contact the teacher about it.
Financial preparation
This is probably one of the most important areas of preparation for teenagers because it can impact the future so drastically if not taken care of. Teach your teen to handle money responsibly early on.
- Do not offer a steady stream of unlimited funds. Give a set amount (decided by you) and allow them to save or spend as they see fit. This will teach them to budget what they have versus what they want.
- Teach your teen to balance a checkbook.
- Explain the difference between a debit card and a credit card.
- Make sure your teen understands student loans and how they work.
Cooking skills
Your teen does not need to be a gourmet chef. He or she does not even need to like cooking. But I believe it is necessary for teens to know basic cooking skills before leaving home. This will save money and help them to eat healthier foods and avoid excessive intake of fast foods. Start by having your teenager help you in the kitchen early on. As your teen becomes more familiar with cooking skills, have him or her make dinner (or parts of dinner) independently on some nights.
Cleaning skills
I get it. It is much easier to clean the house yourself sometimes. It is much easier to just shut the door and pretend the disaster that is your teen’s room doesn’t exist. But you are not doing them any favors in the long run by cleaning for them. Every teen should know how to dust, sweep, mop, wash dishes, make a bed, clean a toilet and a shower. They may not have to do it right away (or simply choose not to do it right away) but it is still a skill that should be learned.
Laundry skills
Similarly, every teen should know how to do laundry. They may still bring it home to get it done, but they should leave home knowing how to sort clothing, run a washing machine and a dryer. Give personal laundry duties over to teenagers entirely at some point. If they forget to run a load and run out of clean clothes? Lesson learned…
Transportation
Unless you live in a city where public transportation is robust, your teen will most likely need to know how to drive before leaving home. Thankfully, many states now require a graduated process for obtaining a driver’s license (see my articles on teen driving here: Part 1 and Part 2), which increases the safety of releasing teens on the road. It will also be important to discuss with your teen expectations regarding transportation: who will be paying for a car? Gas? Auto insurance? The answers to these questions will be different depending on each family’s circumstances.
Health management
If your teen takes regular medications for any reason, he or she will need to learn to manage these without help. Just like with everything else, start early and allow your teen to take ownership of this process. At some point you will need to discuss health and dental insurance, particularly if he or she is not planning to attend college. There are particular rules about how long dependents can stay on parental insurance plans, and these depend on circumstances.
Now…let go
At some point, you have to let them go. Let them make the decisions. Let them flounder and then succeed or fail. You cannot continue to control their schedules, their bosses, their finances – and if you try to, you are doing them a grave disservice. Hopefully, you have set a good example throughout their childhood of how to manage life successfully. Hopefully, you have given then chances to fly (and to fall) in a safe environment all along, so that now as they set out on their own they will have the confidence to continue doing so. Giving advice, not directives. This is still valuable to these new adults, and communicating that you are available for advice when needed is a very important part of this transition for both sides.
I am not sure any parent is ready for the day to let go. But we can certainly make the best use of the time we do have with our teens, and prepare them the best we possibly can. Then be sure they know you are still there for them, watching and cheering as they go.
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